The everlasting flame
by Dreamer101 ex oh ex
Summary: After a horrifying event takes place, Clary and Jace are thrown together. During the horrifying event, Clary suffers something unspeakable and loses herself and the ones around her. Now it's up to Jace to help her through the nightmare they both lived. Can he save her before it's too late? Will she be able to trust again?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys :)**

**This is my new story! I hope it's alright :)**

**Oh, I'm looking for a beta. Any takers? I'd appreciate it :)**

**Enjoy :)**

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Prologue

_A few days earlier_

Sometimes I feel like my mind could be leading me down a never ending road. I would sit for hours thinking what if…what if my life had gone down a different road, started differently or I wasn't born to who I had been? Would I be the same person I am now? Too many questions so little answers. I love my mother and my step father but sometimes I just wish that I was someone else. Someone who was strong instead of weak, brave instead of a coward and beautiful instead of cute… I feel like I walk through crowds of people like I'm a cloud, someone that is untouchable and near invisible but why should I care if I was invisible or not? Why should I care what people thought about me? I shouldn't but the thing is… I do. My life is a never-ending circle. School, work, Simon… school, work, Simon. Nothing changes in my life and I dealt it would anytime soon because I've learnt your life never turns out like you want it to. Nothing ends like the fairy-tales do. You're no princess and there's no way in hell there is going to be a prince. You breathe, you eat and you sleep…that's life. Once everyone realises that, it'll be for the better.

The tarnished, old bus I sat on rattled to a jerk as it started on its voyage down the main street of New York City. I lived here ever since I was little when my mother married Luke and moved into the apartment above his bookstore so really this place is home to me. I knew my way around it and I knew where to go and not to go. My mom was sure to teach me what could be lurking in the shadows…but even though I tried my hardest not to chase danger and to stay away from the shadows… the danger and shadows seems like they're always not far behind me.

I stared vacantly out the dirt smeared window and watched the endless lights swirl passed swallowing the stars up that shone so brightly and freely above. The stars seemed to withhold so many lost memories and hopes. I can remember being at my uncles and aunties cottage out in the country one holiday and at night I would just stare up at the stars and ask myself what was behind the brightness of the stars. If there was hope just waiting in the blackness of the night for the human race. I have never really been religious but I'm sure everyone has ever asked or thought about if there was actually something or someone looking down at us and watching us, keeping us safe.

I searched the bus I now sat in staring at the unknown faces. A smile formed as I watched a mother up the front of the bus reading to her small child as she smiled her pearly whites up at her. My stare moved to a few seats back from them to a man reading a newspaper with a suitcase glued to his side. Opposite him and in front of me sat a girl around my age bobbing her head to the music she had plucked into her ears. Glancing back, only one last seat was taken on the bus. A guy sat at the very back of the bus staring endlessly out the window. He wore a hood with golden strands of hair leaking from under it. I don't know why, but I was glued to the sight of him. He seemed like I was moments ago, lost in thought. 'I wish I could know the thoughts that were running through his head,' blushing at the thought.

My head was suddenly shaken from the thought as I was hauled to the back of the seat that sat the girl that was bobbing her head moments ago. I scanned the bus, seeing the wide eyes of shocked people. "Stay calm," the bus driver said urgently glancing back at us before opening the door. Glancing around, everyone had the same question written across their face, 'what were we about to be faced with?'

Rushing in, we were faced upon two masked figures; both carrying firearms and a bag slung over their shoulders. "Drive!" One of the figures hissed with a strong voice at the driver. Shaking his head, the driver pushed his foot down and carried on his once peaceful trip. The guy that ordered the driver to drive then turned sharply to us, pointing the gun at the mother and little girl causing a sob to escape the girl's lips. "Move everyone! Get to the back of the bus now. I'm not afraid to use it," he ordered harshly.

I quickly got up from my spot and hurried to the back followed by the others. Rushing to the back, I locked eyes with the guy with the hood. His golden brown eyes shone with confusion and anger. Reaching the back, I slid next to him. Feeling a body press against mine, I glanced to the side of me to find the girl that was sitting in front of me looking frightened. Glancing at her, I noted she was a curvy girl with shoulder length hair and the way she held her shape was with proud; which would cause many girls to be envious. Bunching up, we made room for the others to fit along the back. Glancing to the hooded guy, I saw how his golden eyes tracked the gunmen's every move.

"What are we going to do?" I heard a whisper to the side of me. Glancing over, I saw a worried mother eyes lock with mine.

"Just listen to them. I'm sure they won't hurt us if we do as we're told," I assumed, twisting my shirt in my tight grip.

"Or any sudden movements. They look nervous," I heard a smooth, deep voice commented from beside me. I glanced at the hooded guy resulting in our eyes locking once again. "Shh," he whispered glancing back up.

Looking back up, I saw the other armed figure stroll over to us. I saw the eyes that lurked from within the ski-mask narrow as they crossed us, stopping on me for a longer moment than the rest. "Phones," a male's voice came clear from under the mask. He turned to the hooded guy first and raised his gun. "Give it to me."

The hooded guy simply shook his head, "don't have one."

"Don't try being the funny guy! You'll regret it," the masked guy snarled.

"Believe me or not, I really don't care. But you could always search me if you really please, though I'm sure you'll just be searching for something else," he said, a smirk forming on his angel like face.

The gun man bought the gun back and connected it was the hooded guys face. Blood started to gush from a cut the gun caused on the side of his face. Then the gun man did it again. "Stop it," I yelled, finding courage from an unknown place from within me.

The masked man turned to face me. "What did you say?" He tested.

"I think you heard perfectly well," I stated in disgust narrowing my eyes at him.

A sharp laugh escaped his lips. "Cute. Anyway, pass me your phone sugar," he said holding out his scarred hand.

Narrowing my eyes, I snarled. "I don't have it on me. It's in my bag."

"Go and get it," he simply said.

"No," I snarled.

"Do it or pretty boy here will get it," he hissed.

I heard a chuckle exit the hooded guy. "Oh how sweet. You think I'm pretty," he smirked once again.

I saw anger and hatred fill the masked man's eyes. I knew what the mysterious hooded guy was doing; he was throwing the gunman off his game. 'Clever move,' I thought to myself. Before the masked man could throw another hit, I spoke up again, "Fine I'll go get it."

Moving to the side, the masked man let me passed but followed me sneakily to my bag. Reaching down to my bag, my breath caught as I felt a cold hand run down my bare arm. Jumping to an up-right position, I turned sharply around to come face to face with the masked man. I saw I spark in his eyes when he took a step closer to me. Moving back on to the seat, I pushed my back against the window causing him to follow; hunger filling his eyes. "What are you doing?" I kicked out as his hands touched my leg.

Grabbing onto my foot, he pulled me along the seat towards him. I let out a scream as I tried to kick out of his grip but it was no use, he was now hovering hungrily over me. "I like feisty reds," he whispered.

"Get off me," I screamed, forcing all my strength into a punch straight to his nose. He stumbled back off me but not far enough to get passed him.

He wiped his now broken nose as blood gusted from it. "You bitch!" He growled bringing his fist forward and punching me straight in the face multiple of times. Reality seemed to blur but not enough to not know or feel what was forced upon my small figure. Hands searched my bare skin of my legs before fire shot through me; pain shooting through my small frail body. I heard commotion in the background and a struggle before the masked man was pulled away from me.

I was soon lifted off where I lay on the seat and encircling into a pair of strong arms. I glanced up and locked my green emerald eyes to a pair of golden brown ones. "It's ok. I got you," he whispered down at me.

"Get back!" I heard one of masked men yell.

"Come on," the hooded guy whisper calmly into my ear. I felt like crumbling into his arms as he led me back to our spot at the back of the bus. I sat on the seat against the window and lent against it as the hooded guy sat next to me. "Are you ok?" He asked narrowing his eyes as he lifted my chin with his fingers for a moment to examine the hits to my face I suffered. I just nodded, shaking still as pain and fear cruised through me. "Well it looks ok just a few cuts and it's most likely you'll have a nasty bruise on your cheek in the morning."

"Are you ok?" I heard a soft voice ask from the other side of the hooded guy. The girl with shoulder length hair reached out but I flinched away from the touch. She retraced her step quickly. "Sorry," she said apologetic.

I just nodded, sitting perfectly still bringing my knees up onto the seat as I recalled what had just happened. The hit…the hands… Tears crowded my vision.

"Hey, don't cry. You're fine now; I won't let them touch you again. I promise," the hooded guy assured me beside me.

I glanced up at him. "Th… thank you for stopping him," I stammered.

I saw a small smile form on his lips. "No worries," he said before stiffening when he glanced forwards. My attacker was strolling towards us, looking pissed. I grabbed onto the hooded guys arm as he approached. "I won't let him touch you," I heard the hooded guy whisper.

My attacker stopped a few feet away and stared at us. "I think after that commotion we should teach you a lesson on respect," he gleamed.

"Respect? I think you need to learn how to respect a lady because there's no way in hell a lady should be treated how you just treated this poor girl," a male's voice chirped up.

"Great! A volunteer," My attacker said, pulling the man up to his feet. I soon realised it was the man with the suit I saw earlier. My attacker held him tightly by the arm a few feet away, pointing the gun to his head. "Let's this be a warning not to mess with us," he warned.

Realising what he planned to do, we all screamed, "no!" But it was too late. The suited man soon fell to the ground with his own blood encircling him. Screams and cries of horror tore through the bus. The hooded guy pulled me and the girl on his other sides into him so we didn't see the body that lay at our feet. "If anything's like before happens again," my attacker snarled, pointing to the ground. "This will happen again, and I'm pretty sure I know who it will be." He shot the hooded guy a deadly look.

After he left, I stayed still in the hooded guys arms. I felt the breath of the other girl hit my cheek as she stayed curled up at his side as well. I glanced at her and saw tears escaping her dark brown eyes. It seemed like she was searching for something to say but before she could we heard a siren. Our eyes widened as we realised what the sirens meant. Cops.

"Drive faster!" I heard the masked men yell.

"Wait, stop! What are you doing?" One of them yelled. Before another word could be said, the bus suffered a crushing impact causing the girl in the hooded guys arms to fly forward while me and the hooded guy was flung into the seat in front of us.

I felt arms surrounding me as I was lifting up from my position beside the hooded guy. The memory of the hands washed back to me as I cringed at the touch of arms lifting me up. "Stop!" I screamed.

I felt a blood strained hand grab mine. "They want to help," I heard the comforting voice of the hooded guy cough out.

I glanced down at him as I dangled in the unknown figures arms. "Don't leave me," I whispered to the hooded guy.

"I won't. I promise," he coughed out slowly standing up unsteadily.

"Please, sir. You could have serious injuries. Stay still until someone comes to get you," the unknown figure said trying to stop me from struggling in his grasp. His touch…his hold on me reminded me of the masked man and the way he held me down. I felt like I was suffocating in his grasp.

The hooded guy shook his head. "Pass her to me. She's just suffered something traumatic and she's now afraid of being touched apart but she doesn't seem to mind mine. I'm fine to take her, I've only got some cuts," he said.

"Sir…" the unknown figure started.

"No. Pass her to me," the hooded guy said firmly. Giving up, the figure placed me into the hooded guy's arms and led us out.

"Thank you," I whispered up to him as he carried me bride style out.

He smiled as he walked out of the crushed bus. Staring up to the night sky my eyes were locked with a single star that shone through the brightness of the city's lights. As my eyelids drew closed, I took once last glance at the star before letting the darkness draw me in.

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**So how was it? Should I carry it on?**

**Ex oh ex**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heya :)**

**So chapter two is up! Excited?**

**Hopefully I can update it soon but 'Be my secret' is my main focus at the moment! **

**Oh and I'm still looking for a beta! Suggestions?**

**Enjoy :)**

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"Stop it!" I screamed out in wailing pain. "Stop it…"

"Sweetie, the doctor only needs to check your stitches. They won't hurt you," my mother assured me reaching her hand out but quickly retracing her step as I flinched away from her motherly touch.

"Please don't touch me," I whispered pain washing over me as the events of the other night kept lurking in my mind, haunting me and not letting me forget.

"Baby…" my mother begged, glancing down at me with concern shadowing her eyes.

"I just want to be left alone," I whispered, twisting my hands tightly around the bed sheet.

Luke, my stepfather stepped forward and wrapped his arm around mom's shoulders. "Come on, Jocelyn. She needs time," he assumed, pulling her to the door.

"We'll be just out here baby, if you need us," mom said, letting Luke pull her out. I nodded, feeling tears prick my eyes. Why am I like this? As much as I want to let her in, to let her touch me; the sight of her hand causes terror to surface making the other night become vivid again.

"Hey, don't cry. Many people who had been through what you have would be the same," a soft voice assured me from beside the bed.

I glanced up at the doctor and noted the glasses that framed her hazel eyes and the white coat that shaped her tall, curvy figure. Wiping my tear strained cheek, I whispered up at her, "If I let you check me out, can you leave me alone?"

Concern crowded her once assuring expression, before she calmly said, "ok but know I'm only a buzz away."

I nodded, while pulling up my shirt to show her the cut I had received from the impact of the crash. It wasn't bad, but I was sure it was going to leave a nasty reminder. The cut ran just above my belly-button in a half circular motion. I felt the cold gloved hand touch my bare stomach causing me to flinch away from it. The coldness of the glove jerked the memory of my attacker as he laid his scarred hands on me. I felt the doctor's hands on my arms trying to comfort me but I should have known it was too much…what was wrong with me? Everything seemed to go black, as I recalled everything that happened the other night: _"You bitch!" He growled bringing his fist forward and punching me straight in the face multiple of times. Reality seemed to blur but not enough to not know or feel what was forced upon my small figure. Hands searched my bare skin of my legs before fire shot through me; pain shooting through my small frail body. _Coming back to reality I heard voices surrounding me, familiar and unknown voices calling to me to open my eyes but it was no use. As much as I tried I couldn't. My breathe seemed to be taken from within me as I tried to take a gulf of air but before I could try to take another, everything went black and the voices faded out as my mind went into a dreamless slumber.

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When I woke up, the afternoon sun shone brightly through the windows, shining light against my pale figure. I glanced around the room to find no other sign of life. Sitting up, I groaned from the pain my cut on my stomach caused. Sliding my bare legs down the side of the bed, I placed my feet on the cold surface of the floor. Pulling the blankets around, I stood up unsteadily. Balancing myself on the side of the bed, I moved myself to the door of the restroom. Once inside, I took my spot in front of the sink and mirror. Bending gently down, I washed my face trying to scrub away the memories that were enforced upon me. Glancing up, I took an unsteady breathe in as I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, noting the bruises that covered my pale face. Shaking back the tears, I forced myself away. Stepping back into my room, I slowly made my way to the other door that leads to the hallway. I needed to get out of here. Being here was suffocating because everywhere I looked there was evidence of what happened.

Slowly making my way down the hallway, I looked upon the hurt and the sick. This place was quite miserable, I thought to myself. In no time, it seemed I made it to a service desk causing me to flinch at the sight of how many people there were. I quietly but quickly made my way around them careful not to touch one of them. Moving swiftly around them, I picked up my speed but that's when I made contact with a solid figure. Hands wrapped around my frail arms causing me to scream as I pulled forcefully away from their grab. Glancing up, I saw a pair of confused blue eyes staring down at me.

"Hey, I was wondering how you were," I heard a familiar voice speak up from beside the blue eyed guy, that's when I saw the sight of gold. Suddenly my eyes were locked with golden brown ones. Glancing up at him, I saw he had stitches in the cut he suffered the other night and now wore a fresh pair of clothes which showed off his strong figure. He had no hood covering his hair this time which showed the lock of golden hair that he had been hiding. The one thing I couldn't take my eyes off was his angel like face, causing me to remember the way he had taken me in his arms and protected me from my attacker. "You must be doing well if you're walking around by yourself."

"Ms Fray!" I heard a sharp voice growl behind me, causing me to flinch. A doctor soon came into vision. "You need to get back to your room!"

Glancing down at the ground, I said, "I needed to get some fresh air."

"That can't happen. We're run off our feet today and we can't play host to you because you want some fresh air!" The doctor explained, obviously rushed off his feet.

I glanced up at him and narrowed my eyes, I was about to say something back at him but once I opened my mouth, no words followed. That's when I heard the golden eyed guy behind me growl. "Then let me take her," he said.

"Can't let that happen, Mr Wayland," the doctor shook his head.

"My daughter wants some fresh air, so I suggest you let her before I mention this to your boss!" I heard lukes voice growl behind the doctor.

Turning around, I saw the doctor nod in failure. "Very well, but not too long," he said before rushing off.

"Prick," Luke said as his gaze followed the doctor.

"Luke!" Mom said in disapproval beside him before looking over to me. "Sweetie go put something warm on and we'll take you out."

"Forgive me Mrs..?"

"Galloway," my mother finished.

"Mrs Galloway, but I would like to speak to your daughter alone for a moment, if I may?" the golden eyed asked.

"And who would you be?" Mom asked him, stepping beside me.

Before he could say anything, I chirped up. "He was the one who saved me."

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After my mom agreed to let me and the mysterious, golden eyed guy speak alone, I had gathered my jacket from my room and made quick exit of the building. Walking around the garden of the hospital was peaceful and calming. I was never an outside type of person but now I intended on being out here as much as I could. Being inside, in the hospital room was suffocating, like the walls could cave in at any movement.

I glanced up to golden boy and noted how the afternoon suns showed off the shape of his face more. Glancing down at me, he grinned at me. "I guess we should introduce ourselves," he said, stopping in front of me and raise a hand. "I'm Jace."

I stared at his hand, remembering how it comforted me the other night. I don't know what about him, but he made me feel…safe. "Come on," he said softly. "First step to recovery is letting someone in."

"And you want to be that one to help me?" I questioned locking eyes with him.

He nodded, "I was there. I'm the only way who knows what you truly went through and plus I promised you I wouldn't leave you and this is me keeping that promise. Come on, take the step. If you don't you are just letting that guy rule your life."

Glancing up at him, I knew he was right. Staring at his hand, I nodded before slowly laying my hand in his. "I'm Clary," I whispered.

Smiling, he kept my hand in his before slowly bringing us over to a park bench and letting go. Sitting down, my eyes were glued to his face, questioning why he's willing to help a messed up girl like me. "I'm getting released today," he finally said.

"That'll be good," I whispered. "I wish I could be."

"When did they say you can go home?" he asked, glancing my way.

I shrugged. "They don't know yet because they're still trying to see how my mental state is like."

He shook his head while staring straight ahead. "They have no clue do they?"

"What you mean?" I asked, glancing at him.

"They think they know what they're doing, they think they're really helping but are they really?" He asked.

"Maybe with the physical healing but not with the mental healing," I whispered.

Jace then lowered his head. It was quietly for a moment before he spoke up. "I'm sorry for not stopping that creep any sooner. I should of tried getting around the other one and getting to you," he said shaking his head.

I glanced at my hands tangled in my lap. "You saved me and for that I can't thank you enough," I whispered, my voice cracking as all the pain I was trying to swallow came rushing back up. "He… he would have done more than what he did do…he would have raped me…If you didn't stop him."

Tears seemed to rush from my stinging eyes as Jace pulled me into his arms and held me. "I'm so sorry for what you went through. I thought trying to be smart and put him off his game would work but it only got you hurt and a man killed."

Hearing those words stumble from his mouth made reality hit me. I wasn't the only one that got affected. Glancing up in his arms, I locked eyes with his. "It wasn't your fault," I whispered.

He shook his head, "I wish I could have done more, you know. I lay awake last night thinking about you, Maia, the mother and child and the man… I should have done more."

"You couldn't have done more," I stumbled out, "they had guns."

"If there's a will, there's a way," he quoted.

"I didn't think you'd be such a quotist," I said, forcing a smile to come across my bruised face. I heard a chuckling leave his lips. "So, how are they now? The other's that were on the bus," I asked, concern filling my eyes.

"I checked on Maia this morning. She suffered a bad knock to her head," he said, "the mother, Sara I think her name was is fine and her little girl broke her arm but she loves all the attention she's getting."

Glancing ahead, I was lost in thought until I turned back to him. "If everyone's fine, why are you blaming yourself?" I asked wiping away the tears that were straining my cheeks.

"Because not everyone is alright, are they?" He asked, loosening his arms a bit. "A man's dead and you're…you won't even let people touch you. You're damaged."

Narrowing my eyes, I let the words settle in. Getting up from the bench and out of his arms, I said crossly, "Yeah that guy did something to me…yeah I'm scared to let people touch me but I'm not damaged…" Tears seemed to swell back up in my eyes.

Standing up, he placed his hands on my shoulders; still holding them tightly but not too tightly that it'd hurt me as I tried flinch away. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry ok?"

"He did something to me…" I cried, "He did something to me to make me shatter when I'm touched, even when it's by my own parents!"

"I know," he whispered, suddenly turning to the voice that called out his name. Turning back to me, he handed me a piece of paper. "Here's my number. I'm a call away if you need me, ok? Oh and Maia is still here and she'd love to see you too I bet. Just know there are people willing to help you overcome this."

Nodding, I accepted his number and followed him quietly back to the hospital entrance, wiping away my tears. Once there, he said goodbye and touched me lightly on the shoulder before leaving me. Standing there, I watched him walk away, asking myself why he blamed himself so much for someone else's actions.

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**How was it? Review and tell me pretty please :) I'd really appreciate it!**

**I think I like this caring Jace, don't you?**

**Ex oh ex**


	3. Chapter 3

**Heya guys! Sorry for the wait, but school calls and plus, this story is so hard to write because of all the emotion that it has in it but I think I have it nailed now! Well, hopefully :)**

**This chapters one of the longest chapters I've written yet, and I loved it! I couldn't stop writing :)**

**Anyhow, I hope you enjoy reading it!**

**Oh and I do not own these characters, only the plot :)**

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**Clary's pov**

I don't know what's wrong with me. The once happy thoughts that entered my mind have now disappeared and have been replaced with vicious, haunting thoughts. My once fierce, fiery spirit has now crumbled into sand like particles and blown away with the wind, leaving behind a scared, lifeless spirit. My mother had tried talking to me and provided me with support and comfort where needed, but I didn't want it; sure I needed it but whenever she offered a hand of support my body would retreat and my mind twist into fear. The councillor that had come to visit me so many times would speak to me about what happened and once told me that the memories of the events from that night were blocking my recovery, and tearing strips away from me and will do until it has stripped me down so much that the old me would have vanished into fin air. She also told me that recovery is a must to overcome this ordeal that I have suffered…but as much as I tried to forget, the fear always seems to lurk in the shadows, preventing my mind and body to recover.

During my stay at the hospital, I was left to dwell in my thoughts and memories as the nurses and doctors rush to and from a patient to another. I would usually have a nurse come and check on me every so often but my stepfather, Luke assured them I was fine and didn't then need howdy me all the time. It had gotten to the point where I felt suffocated from the noise and commotion, I couldn't handle the fact people had to push and prodded me with pins and needles whenever I have 'one of my moments;' so Luke made a decision any father would make if their daughter was in that sort of state, he got me out of there.

"Ready to go, love?" Mom asked, picking up one of my bags that sat on the still raffled up hospital bed.

"As I'll ever be," I coughed out picking up my other bag.

"Now, I'll warn you now. There are a few people out there that you'll have to pass. Are you fine with that?" Mom asked concern written across her face as it had for the past week now.

I shrugged. "I'll have to be, won't I?" I commented. I knew I had to do it, I had done it before and I could do it again. Couldn't I?

Following close behind, I made sure I stayed close to mom, shadowing her slightly larger frame with my small, frail one. The crowd was larger today as people rushed back and forth helping the wounded that were involved in the bank shooting earlier today. The city seemed like the darkness was slowly swallowing it up, turning the once family filled environment into a haunted nightmare.

Since I was small, I could dodge around the unwanted figures, heading to the exit with swift motions. Once outside, I breathed in the clean air and headed hastily to the car, wanting to be away from the hospital as soon as possible because once I was out of here, maybe I could push what happened away.

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Once home, I rushed inside and into the warmth and safety of my home. When I got inside, I was hit with the smell of baking that twirled through the room from the kitchen. The smell caused my stomach to growl, wanting the food that it wasn't getting. I must admit, my food intake had reduced since before that night; I've tried to eat but whatever I tried to consume my mind seemed to disagree with and refused to eat any longer. My parents and doctor thinks my eating disorder will get better overtime but they won't know until that time has passed. Ever since my eating disorder was confirmed, mom had been trying to get me to eat whatever she could get her hands on. It's not that I'm willing to not let myself eat, I try to but to be honest not eating seems to help with the ugliness and uneasiness that was held within me.

"Darling, you're home," I heard an old, frail voice say. Glancing up to where the voice came from, I watched as my grandmas' old frame made its way slowly out of the kitchen. I looked closely at her and noticed how old she had gotten since the last time I had seen her which was way before the last Christmas. Her once straight frame was now bent and frail, her green eyes had gotten lighter; and her skin had gotten even paler. "How are you?" She asked smiling at me as she handed me a plate of homemade choc-chip cookies. "Jocelyn says you haven't been eating…"

"Mom," I heard mom but in from behind me with Luke following neatly behind. "I told you not to say anything."

"And I said I didn't care what you say, I was going to talk to her," Grandma stated placing her hands firmly on her hips showing she wouldn't give up on this. Rolling her eyes, mom walked silently to the kitchen, before grandma turned to me. "Now, you need to eat up you hear?"

Running my hands through my hair, I looked around for an exit. I had already been given this talk, I didn't need it again. "I'm not that hungry. Maybe later," I said lamely, biting my lip.

"Darling you need to eat something," grandma states in a disapproving voice.

Raising an eyebrow, I placed the plate on the armrest of the sofa. "I'm really not hungry," I confirmed.

Touching my cheek with a frail hand she seemed to expect me to be comfortable with her touch but I wasn't. I flinched away from her touch, stepping further away from her. She narrowed her eyes at me trying to see what I was playing at. Mom was nothing like grandma, she was more like her father and thank goodness for that because even though grandma seemed nice and innocent, she really wasn't. "I know you've been through a lot with the bus incident and all, but you can't let this thing you're doing to yourself carry on. It's not fair on your mom, Luke or the people who truly cares about you."

"Ok," I said, rolling my eyes. "Why don't you do us all a favour for once and stop putting your nose in everyone else's business."

She looked mortified, but anger sounded in her voice. "That's no way to speak to your grandma!" she said disapprovingly.

"Well just stop just…" I said, wanting to get away from this. "Stop thinking you know everything when you don't…"

"What's going on here?" Luke asked, looking between us as he walked back into the room.

"Clary here is a brat. Just because she's suffered something she thinks it's alright to speak to others in a disrespectful manner," she stated, looking down her nose at me.

Anger seemed to run through me like lightening striking sand. I felt like pulling on my hair and screaming at the disbelief my grandma held. "Leave her be Madeleine," Luke's voice was harsh and rough.

"Not when she acts like this," she stated, narrowing her eyes at Luke.

Groaning, frustration took hold of me. "You know what?" I yelled, "Think what you like. I don't care _anymore_…"

"Clary…" Luke started, but I stopped him in his tracks. "It's alright. I just want to go to my room," I whispered, before heading hastily out of the room and up into my bedroom.

* * *

The night soon fell, summoning shadows to dance against my walls as the trees outside my bedroom window blew in the gentle night breeze. I took it upon myself to get my mind off everything and search the web but that only helped for a moment before I came across a news article about that night.

**The bus ride from hell **

**By Nina Crows**

'_On the 7__th__ of May, seven people on a bus were taken hostage by two men in masks that held them at gun point. It was said that these masked men were escaping the police after they robbed a bank on Worth Street. During this bus ride from hell, it has been confirmed that a girl that can't be named was sexually assaulted.' _My breath seemed to catch as my eyes let out silent tears-_ 'by one of these masked men just before one of the hostages was shot down and killed instantly. It has been confirmed that the man that was killed was award-winner writer John Kerr, who wrote 'Ever too far.' After Kerr was shot, the bus driver took it under his wing to end this nightmare by crashing the bus into a building. The crash was fatal for the driver as he later died in hospital, but the other hostages made it out with only a few bruises and cuts. _

_The police have now confirmed that one of the masked men went missing after the crash. This man is dangerous and it said to have some sort of injury, so if you have suspension or know anything about that night, please contact 911…' _Throwing my laptop away onto my bed, I collapsed beside it breathing fast and unevenly. What if it was _him_ that was missing?

_Knock, knock; knock. _The door opened silently and mom popped her head in. "I heard about what mom said, I'm sorry," she said with an innocent smile plastered on her face. "Can I come in?"

I just nodded as I rested my arm across my forehead. She moved silently and sat beside me on my bed, careful not to touch me. "You do realise you shouldn't listen to anything she says. I think she's getting crazier every wakening moment," she laughed at herself.

Lifting my arm off my forehead, I looked across at her, the moonlight shining off her bright red hair. "She's right you know?" I stated.

Lifting an eyebrow, she lifted herself and placed a foot under her. "Right about what exactly?" She asked.

"All this. It isn't fair on you and Luke," I whispered glancing over to the shadows that played tricks with my eyes.

"What isn't fair is what happened to you, honey," she whispered, twisting her paint covered shirt in her small, motherly hands.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I murmured, placing my arm back on my forehead.

"You need to sweetie," she said softly, placing her hand on my arm that rested against my forehead. The touch took me off guard causing a small shriek to escape my mouth as I flinched away from her touch. "See baby. You can't ever let me touch you anymore."

Sitting up, I backed myself up so my back was against the corner of the room. Pulling my legs up, I wrapped my arms tightly around them and placed my forehead on my knees. "I'm sorry," I whispered shaking my head. "I'm trying…"

"Baby just talk to me about it," she begged.

"I can't," I whispered, a tear slowly rolled down my cheek.

"Please…try baby," she begged again.

Glancing up at my mom, I saw the same concern that shadowed her green eyes ever since she had found out what had happened to me. "I… I just want to forget what happened," I whispered, wiping away the tears that had begun to strain my cheeks.

Shaking her head, she gave me a soft smile. "What your feeling won't go away unless you deal with it now," she said softly.

Staring up at the ceiling, I let my tears fall. "It will never end… The nightmares and memories won't stop. They won't stop haunting me until I give in to the fact that I'm damaged and broken. I can never be fixed," I sobbed.

"What you talking about?" she said, a sob entering her own voice.

"What he did to me…" I cried out remembering his rough hands on me, like I was toy. His bare hands against my legs as he forced me still, staring me down with his hunger filled eyes. His eyes… His eyes haunt my sleep and tear away anything safe and happy that would surface. His eyes were the last thing I saw before pain tore through me as he treated me like a rag doll…

"Oh baby. No, you are not broken. I promise you you're not," she assured me, stopping her urge to come over and hug me.

"How come I feel broken then?" I asked my voice croaky as I tightened my hold on my legs.

"Because darling, somewhere during that night the light I use to see all the time had gone missing and now it's your mission to get it back," she smiled.

"What if I can never get it back?" I asked, wiping my tears.

"You will," she assured me, before glaring down at her watch. "It's late; you should come down for your tea."

Smiling slightly, I lay down and crawled into a ball. "It's been a long day; I just want to rest if that's ok?"

"Ok baby," mom said, standing up. "I'll put your tea in the oven for later."

"Thanks mom," I said, curling into a tighter ball. I felt mom slide a blanket over my frame, her fingers slightly skimming my arm; I held back a shiver. The last thing I heard was her soft footsteps walking off in the distance.

* * *

**Jocelyn's pov**

I watched her sleeping form as she tossed and turned in her sleep, another nightmare. I wish I could just go over to her and hold her like I have wanted to do all along. I lent my head against her door frame as I had done so many times before ever since she was young.

I felt strong arms wrap around my shoulders, bringing me gently to a solid chest. "She will be alright," Luke assured me.

"I hope so," I whispered, afraid that if I spoke any louder I'd wake Clary from her much needed sleep.

"She will," Luke said in a comforting tone. "She just needs time."

"I just feel so…useless. She won't even let me help her," I whispered, grabbing hold of his arms and squeezing slightly.

"She knows you're here for her," he assured me, watching Clary as she slept.

"That's not enough though," I stated, moving out of his gasp. I needed to help her more than I was doing now, but how? I started walking, thinking of my plan of attack.

"She has to help herself Jocelyn. She needs to overcome this herself," Luke said to me as he followed me in my mindless wonder. "You know that more than I do."

Stopping in my tracks, I turned back to look at Luke questionably. "She's not coping!" I said, turning back and heading down the stairs in silent footsteps. "My own daughter won't even let me touch her, for goodness sakes! Am I supposed to sit back and do nothing as my baby drifts further away from me?"

"Ok course not," Luke said, catching up to me. "You just need to give her time."

"I've given it time, Luke. It's been weeks!" I said, finally reaching the kitchen. I placed myself at the kitchen table and rested my cheek against the palm of my hand. I shook my head. "I know I should be patient with her but it kills me to see her like this. Like when I was up there talking to her earlier this evening, tears wouldn't leave her precious green eyes not even once! She used to be so…"

Before finishing my sentence, Luke butted in. "She is strong," Luke said firmly. "This…thing has just gotten hold of her and she's lost. She's lost herself but she'll find herself…_Our_ little girl will find herself."

Smiling up at him, I got up from my place and trotted over to where he had placed himself. Sitting down on his empty lap, I placed a soft kiss on his temple. "Yes, she is." I said softly, "Our girl."

* * *

**Clary's pov**

I tossed and turned until I was heaved from my nightmare into reality. The shadows from the moonlight still seemed to trick my eyes as they danced across my walls. Glaring over to the clock on my bedside table, I groaned; 12:45am. 'Great,' I thought to myself. 'I can't even have a full nights rest.' Glancing back at the clock, I narrowed my eyes at the ruffed up piece of paper that lay beside it. Picking it up, I unravelled it to find a number. Not just any number, but Jace's number.

Not wanting to go to sleep again, afraid of the eyes that lurk behind my closed eyelids, I picked up my phone, hoping like me he couldn't sleep as well.

**It's Clary. I hope I don't wake you, that is if you are asleep? ~C**

Placing my phone back down on my bedside table, I glared up at the ceiling recalling the nightmare that moments' ago made my heart race. In the dream, I was in a dark, gloomy room sitting in the far corner as the walls melted around me like fire shredding away the walls of a safe haven to reveal dark, haunting eyes. Eyes peered at me from all angles, threatening me with their hungry stares…

I was shaken from my thoughts by a loud beep that sounded on my bedside table. Glancing over, I reached over and grabbed my phone.

**Nope, I'm awake. In fact, I was just thinking about you. ~J**

'Thinking about me? Why on earth would he be thinking about me?' I thought, because typing back.

**Why are you thinking about me? Should I be worried? ~C**

About to set my phone back down, my phone beeped again. 'That was fast,' I thought.

**Not at all ;) It's been a while since I've heard from you. I was wondering how you were doing? ** **~J**

**I'm fine. **I lied. **How have you been? ~C**

_Beep. _**Don't lie. I know you're not fine. ~J**

**And what makes you think I'm lying? ~C**

_Beep. _**Because if I'm not dealing with it, there's a good chance you aren't either. ~J**

**You're not coping? ~C**

Beep. **I try to cope, you know? Try act like what happened all those weeks ago didn't affect me. I try to move forward but whenever I try, that imagine of that man and the gun… Urgh… can I see you? ~J**

He was going through something so similar to what I was, and he was trying to reach out and get help…but how could I help someone when I can't help myself?

I started to reply but before I could, my phone sounded again. **Just to talk. ~J**

I thought back to the expression my mom had on her face earlier this evening. She really did hate what was happening to me. I needed to take a step, even if it was a small one… **When? ~C**

_Beep. _**Now? I could come over. I know it's late but I can't sleep and neither can you it seems. ~J**

**It's too dangerous out to come all this way, and you don't even know where I live. ~C **I typed fast.

_Beep. _**I can drive. ~J**

Breathing steadily, I texted back my address and telling him what window to climb up to. I don't know what I was doing but something felt right about agreeing to talk to him, like some sort of peace has hovered down on top of me.

_Beep. _**See you soon.**

* * *

**How was it? Could you feel Clary's pain?**

**Review and tell me what you think please!**

**Since I loved writing this chapter, I might update quite soon :) Hopefully before my stupid school exams :/**

**Ex oh ex**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heya guys :)**

**I****'m loving this story. I really can't get enough of it, that's why I've updated super fast!**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received from the last chapter! I was so surprised you all liked it, so this chapter is for you all :)**

**To greygirl2358, thanks for you review and sorry for such the long wait for the update but I've been super busy! I'm glad you liked it, and only one masked guy escaped :/ Ex oh ex**

**I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

**Clary's pov**

I lay on my back staring at my white painted ceiling that was now masked with the night's shadow, waiting for any sign that Jace's arrival. I started to think about how my life had gone from sky high to a massive downfall in such a little amount of time. I felt hurt and angry… angry at the guy that thought it was ok to rip the light that my mom says I used to hold within me. During my assault, that light vanished leaving behind a blurry, emotionless light... I don't know who I am anymore, my thoughts and feelings seem to have been twisted and turned until the happiness and love was drenched out leaving behind pure fear and sadness. I needed to get my old self back, not only for my family but for myself too because I don't know how long my body and mind could stay curled up in this helpless, scared ball.

Soon enough my thoughts were thrown aside when a faint tap sounded on the glass of my window. Slowly getting out of my blankets, I trotted silently over to the window to find an exhausted looking Jace. Opening the window, I moved aside as Jace silently slid through the window, softly closing it after him. Turning to face me, I could see him more clearly as the moonlight shone on him. His raffled up golden locks seemed to shimmer in the light of the moon, but that wasn't what my eyes widened to. His once golden eyes were dull and lifeless, his exhaustion marking his lower eyelids. This must be what I look like…the life was ripped out from both of us. "Hi," he whispered, keeping his voice low.

"Hi," I whispered standing exactly where I was, not moving an inch not knowing what to do next.

Glancing down at his feet, the uneasiness was there with him too. Looking up through his locks, his eyes caught mine. "Do you want to talk?" he whispered.

Ripping my gaze from his, I trotted slowly over to my bed, sitting down with one of my feet placed under me. "We'll have to be quiet or else mom and Luke will hear us or my grandma and trust me when I say you don't want her waking up," I whispered, glaring down at my small hands.

Nodding, he placed himself on the wall, and slid down it. Pulling one leg up, he hugged it to himself like I had done earlier that evening. "I hate this," he whispered, placing his chin on his knee. "As much as I want to cope with this all, I can't…and while doing so, I'm pushing my family away from me."

"I know how you feel…" I whispered, lowering my head. "I can't even bare my own mother touching me."

"Then we're sort of in the same boat, aren't we?" he whispered. I could feel his gaze hover over me. "I feel like you're the only person that truly feels what I feel…what I think."

I shook my head. "We aren't. We might of both witness the same thing, but we haven't suffered in the same way," I whispered, raising my gaze to look at him.

Lifting an eyebrow, he asked, "Sure, I didn't suffer what you did, but I did suffer in a way no one can understand, but I was hoping you could…" he paused for a moment before carrying on. "Can you understand why I feel so much…anger and hurt at what I let happen…what I made happen?"

I shook my head. "You can't still believe what happened was your fault!" I said, sliding off the bed and inching closer to him. "It's not your fault. If I know that, of all people, then it's right."

Shaking his head, a small chuckle left his mouth. "You look worth than the last time I saw you," he stated, changing the subject.

Scoffing, I rolled my eyes. "Thanks," I said sarcastically. "So do you."

Running his hands through his hair, he chuckled once again. "I know, everyone's been telling me how shit I look," he crooned.

"You just look really exhausted," I added, as I moved beside him with my back against the wall.

"So do you," he smiled at me as he turned his head to look at me and pausing. "Not to sound cheesy or anything because I'm really not trying to be, but whenever I'm around you, I feel at ease. I feel like no eyes are upon me that look at me as if I'm weak and helpless…"

"You aren't weak or helpless," I whispered, before adding a moment later, "I feel at ease too."

Shaking his head, he stood up and strolled around my room, picking up certain objects and examining them. "You paint?" he asked, staring at one of my paintings.

"Use to," I whispered, standing up and walked over to the window and stared out it, watching the trees move in the slight breeze.

"Why'd you stop?" he asked, I heard the painting being placed back down.

"Because my inspiration is gone, it's just…vanished," I whispered, leaning my head against the window frame. "Most of my old self has vanished."

"You'll get it back," he said calmly, as he walked over to me and rested his head on the other side of the window frame while crossing his arms across his chest. "Don't let what that guy did to you stop you from doing something you love…"

"It's not because of him," I snapped, retracing my steps over to my bed. I placed myself on it lamely, and watched for his next move.

"Then why don't you paint? What about right now?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he walked across to my art supplies and grabbing some before walking over and throwing them down beside me. "Paint."

"Don't be crazy," I sneered, "it's early in the morning."

Bending down so his face was inches from mine, he whispered, "you're letting what happened to you ruin your life."

I don't know where the sudden strength of courage came from, but before I could stop myself, my hands were placed upon his chest and pushed him away from me. Thinking I was in the clear, his hands caught my wrists in a soft, careful hold and pulled me off the bed into him. Catching my breath; I glared up into his dull eyes. "Please let me go," I whispered.

Shaking his head, he whispered, "you said you'd let me in…at the hospital. You said I can help you. What has changed?"

"Reality," I said much too louder than I wanted. _Thud. _My breath then caught. Someone had heard. "Hide," I whispered urgently to Jace as I pushed him away. He looked carefully around for a hiding place, deciding on the closet before quickly hopping in before my bedroom door opening hastily.

Mom stood there in her night gown, panic shadowing her tired expression. "What happening? I heard you yelling," she said worriedly, glaring around the room.

"I-I had a nightmare," I quickly said, not entirely a lie because I did have a nightmare before Jace had arrived and all.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked with an innocent smile plastered on her face.

I shook my head. "I just want to go back to sleep," I said, giving her a small smile back.

"Ok, honey," she smiled, blowing a kiss at me. "Goodnight." With that, she closed my door gently behind her.

A chuckle soon sounded in the closet as Jace stepped from within it. "How come you can lie so easily?" he asked, sitting on the end of my bed.

"That was not a lie…well not entirely," I said, placing myself next to him. "I had a nightmare tonight, that's why I texted you."

"What about?" he asked, picking up a paint brush and twirling it around in his hands.

"The guy that attacked me," I said softly. "I have the same dream most nights. I barely get a peaceful sleep these days."

"Same," he whispered beside me, dropping the paintbrush beside him. "My dreams are like a projector stuck on replay. The images of Mr Kerr falling to the ground into his own pool of blood seem to play with my dreams, turning them sour and twisted." He looked at me with innocence evident in his eyes. "It's like I can never get a break from the fact that if I didn't do what I did, if I had tried to prevent it he wouldn't be dead right now."

Glaring down at his fisted hands in his lap, I bought a shaky hand down and linked one of my fingers with his. "It wasn't your fault. None of it was," I whispered, assuring him.

Lying down, he kept his finger locked with mine softly brushing the others. "I wish I was that confident about it as you are," he said softly, with a chuckle.

Lying down next to him, I laughed softly. "We're really missed up, aren't we?"

Chuckling slightly, he turned to face me. "Yeah, we are," he said. We stayed like that for ages talking about what had happened and how we felt; and by the end of it we had opened up more to each other than we had to everyone else. The last thing I could remember was his soft breathing and his soft fingers as they skimmed across mine.

* * *

"A-hem," a voice growled. Groaning, I threw a pillow over my head, blocking the sunlight that shone freely through my window. The sleep that had come across me was refreshing and peaceful. The nightmare that forever seems to haunt my sleep had vanished leaving behind a much needed dreamless sleep… "Ahh, Clary?" I heard Jace's musical voice ask, something was in his voice as he said it, nervousness? Fear?

I lifted my pillow off my head slightly and glared over to him. He was half sitting up staring wide eyed at the doorway. I felt his hand against mine and noticed how our hands were tangled together still. Pushing the pillow off my head, I slowly sat up but froze mid-way. Standing at the door, hands on hips was mom, looking like stream would soon escape her ears.

"Mom, I can explain," I said, untangling my hand with Jaces and standing up, with him following neatly behind.

"As if I haven't heard that one before," she growled, "what do you think you're doing with a boy in your room? You know Luke would have had a fit if he had walked in."

"I'm sorry ma'am," Jace spoke up, his voice strong. "It's my fault; you see I wanted to talk to Clary about what had happened…"

"Oh, I remember now. You were one of the ones that were in the bus incident as well," mom said, shaking her head. "But that's no excuse for this."

"I understand ma'am," Jace said, nodding his head as he did.

"Mom, please. We did nothing wrong, we only talked," I assured her.

Softening her frame, she shook her head. "You touched him," she said as softly as an innocent child.

Stepping from foot to foot, I glanced at her through my red locks. "He was there for me when it all happened," I whispered knowing the pain that would be rushing through her.

Coughing slightly, she smiled at me. "I know," she said, before turning to the door. "Come down for breakfast both of you and then you need to get home…"

"Jace ma'am," he spoke up.

"Jace. Oh and call me Jocelyn," she smiled before rushing off.

Exhaling the breath I seemed to be holding in, I turned to Jace. "I'm so sorry," I apologised, frowning.

Chuckling slightly, he gave me a sweet smile showing his chipped tooth. "Don't worry about it, it was rather entertaining," he chuckled, before adding. "No more nightmares?"

I shook my head, a smile playing against my lips. "Nope, it was completely dreamless. You?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I think you're my dream catcher," he smiled.

"As you are mine," I said poking my tongue at him slightly.

Chuckling, he said, "I should probably get home. Mom will go nuts if she notices I'm not there."

Laughing, I nodded. "Well thank you for…the talk," I smiled.

Reaching out, he grabbed my hands and tangled our fingers together. For a moment the silence between us twirled around us bringing only bliss as we smiled. Walking back, he gently let go of my hand. "I'll text you," he said.

Nodding, I watched as his figure vanished into the hallway leaving behind the once forgotten smile that had been lost.

* * *

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**Review and tell me :) The more reviews I get, the more motivation I get to write the next chapter!**

**Ex oh ex**


	5. Chapter 5

**Heya guys :) How are you all?**

**I'm seriously loving this story! Not sounding cocky or anything back I could actually read this over and over again, I love it that much!**

**I want to thank my beta CharrissaxJace, you have been amazing and I'm going to miss you being my beta! Good luck with school ex oh ex**

**Hope you guys enjoy :)**

* * *

**Jace's POV**

I walked out of Clary's with a small grin plastered onto my face, as the thought of not being alone anymore ran through my head. For weeks now, I have been feeling like no one could fully understand the pain and guilt that ran through my mind and body, breaking small pieces of the old 'Jace' and leaving behind someone who was haunted by one night. Of course I try to hide my emotions and the scar that was left behind from that night. I hide it my family and friends, because there is no need for them to be muddled up in it when they simply wouldn't understand, and know how to help me. Knowing Clary was going through something that was forced upon her that night, seemed to comfort my own horror. Last night when we spoke, when we slept next to each other, my horror seemed to fade out. The horror that hadn't left me since that night, and gave me the peace I needed.

Since that that, I haven't been the same. Sure I wasn't damaged, but there's just something pulling me down like a huge bone-crushing wave forcing me under that's trying to break me, preventing me to recover, and I'm sure that's what's happening to Clary.

When I got home, I knew I will be in shit street with my parents, but I don't care. I haven't cared what people thought of me for a long time now and I wasn't going to start. Parking my car, I walked casually to our family's house that stood out in the block of other over-expensive houses. Shaking my head, I put my key in the keyhole before turning the door handle and opening to a furious looking Maryse.

"And where do you think you've been?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips in a cliché manner.

Rolling my eyes, I shut the door tightly before answering her, "I think you're question is rather idiotic because it isn't like I wouldn't know where I was," I commented smoothly before walking passed her towards the kitchen.

"Jace," Maryse warned following close behind me as I walked into the kitchen.

As I entered the kitchen, I was hit was an off-putting smell. "Urgh, what is that smell?" I asked, before my gaze lay upon Izzy cooking. "Well that explains it."

"Explains what?" Izzy growled turning to me, narrowing her eyes at me.

Smirking, I sat down at the table beside Robert who cautiously took a bite of his breakfast. "Oh nothing, I was simply stating how good your cooking smells," I grinned.

"You're such a liar, Jace," Izzy growled.

Smirking, a chuckle escaped my lips. "So you're admitting your cooking smells like shit?" I asked.

Beside me Robert coughed on his food, as he tried to hold back a laugh. "Jace! Don't swear in this house," Maryse said, firmly, "and Robert you shouldn't encourage it by laughing!"

Placing his fork down neatly on his plate, Robert cleared his throat. "You're right. Jace, apologize to your sister," he said to me.

Rolling my eyes, I didn't want to argue, especially with Robert so I did the right thing. "I'm sorry Izzy, I shouldn't have said that," I said simply.

Nodding, she flipped her hair to the side and carried on burning whatever it was in the pan. My gaze upon Izzy was then replaced with Maryse who still had the angry expression on her face that she had earlier. "Are you going to tell us where you went last night?" she asked, anger filling her voice.

"I stayed at a friend's, okay?" I stated, sitting back and crossing my arms tightly around my chest.

"At a girls?" Maryse asked, but before I could answer she carried on with her wrath. "I've told you time and time again, do not to sell yourself out like this and sleep around with _any _girl!"

Standing up, I slammed my chair into the table, annoyed at her outburst. "And I've told you time after time, that I have not been sleeping around," I growled, tightening my grip on my chair.

Before I could let my mouth flow with more words, Robert spoke up. "Maryse, didn't we agree that you'd talk to Isabelle about boy issues and _I_ will talk to the boys about girl issues?"

"I guess you're right," she said, giving up. "Isabelle, turn off the stove and leave Robert and Jace to talk, we should go sort out tonight anyway." Nodding, Izzy followed Maryse out neatly, leaving me and Robert alone.

"You got to tell me the truth, son. Were you at a girl's house last night?" Robert asked, pushing his plate away from him.

Sitting back down in my chair, I turned to him. "I don't get it, I'm seventeen yet I'm not allowed to see girls?" I stated.

Shaking his head, he seemed to think of the right words to say. "You are allowed to see girls, Jace but we'd, _I'd,_ appreciate knowing when you'll be out with a girl," he said finally.

Raising an eyebrow, I chuckled. "You guys really thought I snuck out last night to go have sex. Don't you guys think I have respect for myself? Sure I can get sex, but I don't want it…. Well I do, but just with someone that doesn't go looking for it," I stated.

"I understand. It's just that you've been acting strange. You've been more closed off since the accident, Jace. We're worried about you," he said softly.

Shaking my head, I leant slightly back. "If I was closed off, why would I be telling you about my sex life?" I asked, raising an eyebrow again.

"Because you don't care about having sex or not, so you don't care about talking about it. I'm your father Jace, I can tell something's eating you up," he assumed.

"Well there's nothing, I'm fine," I lied but my voice said otherwise.

Ignoring the topic, he moved onto last night. "So where were you last night?" he asked.

"At a girls place," I said, twirling a fork around my fingers.

"And you didn't have sex?" he asked, carefully.

Laughing, I shook my head. "She's not that type of girl, we just talked," I said, thinking about how Clary flinches away from sudden touches but I also knew even if she wasn't afraid of a touch, she had enough respect for herself to respect her body.

"Do you like this girl?" Robert asked.

I shook my head, before looking up at Robert knowing. I couldn't hide everything from him, especially when out of everyone in my family, he was the one that was most there from me, through all the highs and lows. I had to let my shield down slightly. "She's the girl from that night. The one that got sexually abuse," I said.

"Oh, and she didn't mind you being there?" he asked, seriously, "I was told she's been going through some serious stuff and she won't even let her parents touch her, but it's understandable after what she went through."

I shrugged. "I guess she doesn't mind. I think it's because I was the one to stop that guy from doing anything more so she…" I trailed off thinking of the right word.

"She trusts you," Robert finished off my sentence for me with a smile. "You know I have never been more proud of you than that night when you protected her even though you put yourself in line of danger."

A small smile escaped onto my lips. "Maryse went nuts," I chuckled.

Giving a small laugh back at my statement, he smiled at me, "because son, as much as it pains you to hear it, you're still her baby."

"Even though she has never actually seen me as a baby before," I stated, raising an eyebrow.

Shaking his head, he stood up. "Even though you only came into our lives when you were ten, you will always be her baby, my son," Robert said, smiling. "Now help me with the dishes, it's going to be a tough job after Isabelle burnt them all."

* * *

**Clary's pov**

The sun seemed to shine through the closed window coating me in warmth as I listened to my iPod. Glaring down at my sketch, I let the words of the song flow through be as I added the final details to the girl that hid within a cloak. I don't know what gave me the idea to draw it, but in a way the girl represented me. The girl was scared, afraid of something that broke her down and for some reason the cloak that surrounded her hid her from that horror.

I remember the look of brokenness that filled Jace's expression the night before as he spoke to her about how that night kept replaying in his mind and dreams. Is it selfish that I like the fact I'm not going through this on my own? That I had someone that knew the pain that has buried itself deep inside of me that's not willing to leave? Shaking my head, I let my headphones drop from my ears as I placed my sketch to the side.

"What are you drawing, Fray?" I heard a familiar voice ask from behind me suddenly, causing my heart to feel like it was about to jump from out of my chest. Turning quickly around, I was faced with my oldest, but best-friend, Simon.

Pushing his glasses up his nose, he took my sketch and examined it for himself. "Nice, I think you're getting better each drawing you do, but isn't this one a little dark?" he asked, placing himself on the ground.

I shrugged as I watched him place my sketch back down. "Why are you here?" I asked, sounding a little too rude which causes him to flinch.

"You haven't called," he said, in an innocent tone.

Clearing my throat, I glared down at my hands. I knew Simon only was trying to support me through this hard time but to be honest having him here felt suffocating, as if my air was taken from within my lungs. "I-I just wanted to be alone," I said truthfully.

"And you still do?" he asked.

I nodded, before staring softly at him. "I'm sorry okay. I'm just messed up our moment." I whispered.

Standing up, he smiled down at me. "I know you have a problem with people touching you, Jocelyn told me, so don't worry. I won't touch you. I just want to hangout with my best-friend, I miss you," he said sweetly, before revealing a plastic bag. "I bought junk food and movies. Keen, Fray?"

As much as I wanted to say yes, my body refused to allow it to happen; it seemed to cringe at the idea of it. I did miss Simon, but I'm not the same person I use to be. I'm scarred and I can't seem to move passed what I went through, "I'm sorry, Simon," I whispered, "I can't."

Nodding softly, he stared softly down at me. "Don't forget about me Fray, okay? I will always be here for you, all you need to do is give me a text or ring and I'll come running," he said, assuring.

I don't know how, but I managed to let myself joke, "You sound like some corny guy now," I whispered, laughing slightly.

"Not corny, just…" Simon paused, "Okay, I don't know what I was trying to be but it wasn't corny," he laughed, before backing off. "Text me, Fray."

Nodding softly, I watched as his slender frame disappeared into the shadows of the house. Shaking my head, I stood up and walked my small frame into the lounge and watched at the window as Simon walked slowly away, only looking back once with a visible frown on his face.

"He'll get over it, Clary."

Turning around, Luke stood at the doorway with his usual easy-going smile on his face. "He's a good person and a good friend as a matter of fact. He'll wait," he assured me.

"And what if I never get better?" I asked.

Luke thought about the question, and shook his head. "Clary, you're strong like your mother. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop you from getting better because I know you, you'll fight until you get better," he told me.

"I don't know anymore," I admitted, sitting my shatterable body on the sofa.

Before he could response, Mom rushed in. "Come on, Clary we're going to the groceries," she said excitedly.

"Why?" I asked, really not wanted to move from the safety of the sofa, and really not excited to go to a supermarket where a heap of people would be.

"Because we need food and you need to get out there more," she stated, grabbing her wallet off the table.

"I don't want to be around people, why can't you get that?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

Her expression on her face softened. "I know this will be uncomfortable but your doctor said it'll be good for you," she stated.

"Well bringing me to a place full of people isn't going to help me, especially when I can't even touch _you. _Just face it, I'm a mess. So drop it," I forced myself to say.

"Darling, just get in the car," she said, "I won't make you come in but you can at least wait in the car."

"No," I said, sounding final.

"Please," she looked me in the eyes now, pleading with mine. "I need to see that you're trying."

_'Do it for yourself, do it for mom and Luke,'_ I thought to myself,_ 'fight for yourself.'_ "Fine," I whispered.

* * *

The drive to the supermarket was uneasy as my heart beat faster the closer we got. When we finally reached the supermarket, mom parked and turned to me. "I'll be right back, baby," Mom smiled at me as she grabbed her wallet. "Lock the doors, and call if you need anything. You're being so brave right now."

Smiling, I nodded at her as she gave me one last smile before hopping out of the car and headed smoothly towards the supermarket. I quickly got up and locked all the doors before lowing myself so no one could see me through the windows but not before I saw a familiar flash of gold. Raising my head slightly, my gaze lay upon the figure that a few hours ago, was lying next to me, holding my hand as we both slept, Jace. He was walking behind a lady and a little boy with his arms tightly across his chest, clearly not happy with being at the supermarket as well. Grabbing my phone, I smiled as my fingers flew across the dial pad.

**Hope this doesn't sound stalkerish, but I can see you ;) ~C**

I looked up at Jace and saw him dig into his pocket for his phone. After he read my message, his gaze scanned the car park.

_Beep._

**That's one of the most stalkerish things I've ever heard ,but it's okay, you can be my stalker ;) Where are you? ~J**

Smiling, I texted him back. **Whatever asshat, I'll toot ~C**

I moved my body so I could reach with ease to the staring wheel and beep it. Once I had I watched as Jace spoke to what I assumed was his mother and headed towards me. Smiling, I opened my door as he approached.

"Hey," he said, as he leant himself against the car beside mine, steps away from me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, "You don't seem like a grocery shopper."

I heard a faint chuckle escape his lips. "I'm not, this is my punishment for sneaking out last night," he stated, giving me a wide smile.

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed, "Your punishment is shopping with your mom? That's crap! It should be something worse, you snuck out!"

"And here I thought you'd be apologetic for getting me in trouble," he chuckled.

"Hey, if I may say so myself, it was you that asked to come over in the first place," I pointed out, laughing.

"And you should have said no, knowing I'd get punished for it later on," he stated, folding his arms over his chest lamely.

"Ha, because I would know you'd get punished. I don't know anything about your parents, so this is your entire fault buddy," I said, poking my tongue at him.

Rolling his eyes, he smirked at me. "Whatever. So, why are you here? I thought you'd try to avoid a place like this," he commented.

"I tried, but my mom forced me to come, she said it'll be an improvement, that it'll show I'm trying to recover," I said, retelling what Mom had previously said to me.

"Well are you?" he asked, his smirk fading.

I shrugged. "I don't know if I can. It's too soon," I said.

He seemed to think for a moment, but then a light bulb seemed to go off because a smile suddenly spread across his angel-like face. "Do you want to recover?" he asked seriously.

"Yes, of course," I answered.

"And you're willing to do anything even if it makes you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"Where is this leading?" I asked, suddenly getting a hint of something else in his voice.

"We're having a family barbeque tonight with our extended family, and you and your parents should attend," he said, before adding after seeing my mask of shock. "It'll be good for you Clary. It'll prove to your parents and yourself that you're willing to get better, to fight what's going on inside."

"It's a _family_ barbeque, I'm not family Jace," I commented still in shock.

"So? I hate them they are so boring! I could use the support," he pouted.

"Jace," I whined, "you don't need my support, ask one of your friends."

"And here I was thinking we were friends," he chuckled as I poked my tongue at him. "I would ask my other friends to but they all would try flirt with my sister which would end with me kicking their asses."

I rolled my eyes. "Jace, I just want to stay home and watch a movie or something," I stated.

"Do this for yourself," he said, locking his eyes with mine.

"I'm doing this for myself," I said, pointing to our surroundings.

Raising an eyebrow, he stated, "Clary, you're in a car park."

"A car park full of people," I added, before shaking my head and frowning. "You're going on about me not helping myself but what are you doing to help yourself? You're suffering, you told me last night, so how are you helping yourself?"

He looked at me closely before he answered softly and unevenly, "I'm letting someone in which I barely do."

"Really, who?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

A corner of his mouth seemed to turn up in an innocent smile. "You," he said softly, before adding more strongly. "Look, I've had a bad childhood so I've closed myself up so I don't get hurt. I barely let my parents in, but after that night I needed someone, I couldn't hold it in I chose you Clary." When I didn't say anything he carried on. "You need me too, I can tell because you're willing to let me touch you, but not even your mom. Okay, this is going to sound corny ,but can't we be each other's band aids? We can help each other. That is why I'm asking you to come tonight, I want to help you."

My eyes took in his golden eyes that seemed to confirm that his words were spoken from the truth and in fact he really did want my help and wanted to help me as well. As the silent caved in on us, my voice cut smoothly through it. "Fine, I'll go."

* * *

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**Until next time,**

**Ex oh ex**


	6. Chapter 6

**Heya guys :) How are you all?**

**So I have a little warning for you guys, this chapter is not beta-ed! So it might be a tad error-ish :P, but I couldn't wait for you to read it because...ahh well read it and you'll see :)**

**I have a apology for you all (it seems like I'm always apologising :P). My slow updating is due to my school life and my part-time job. My time is actually getting swallowed by them! But guess what! When it's all over, I'll be updating a few times a week :)**

** Enjoy :)**

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this sweetie? There's going to be complete strangers there," mom said walking into my bedroom as she fixed up her nicest jacket that fitted perfectly on her slim figure.

"I have to do it," I whispered as I stared at my slim figure in the mirror, eying my Levis that fitted me effortlessly and my jacket that covered up as much skin as it could. Brushing my hair, I bought my red locks together to make a loose side braid.

Slowly walking over to my unmade bed, she placed herself down and picked up a top I had thrown down, folding it before placing it back down. "Why? Is Jace forcing you?" she asked seriously, "I was talking to his mother earlier and she seems to think he's got an attitude problem."

I shook my head, before turning around to face her. "He didn't force me to go. He only suggested it because it's a step," I said softly, before bending down and retrieving my shoes.

"But are you sure you can handle it? What if you have a break down?" she inquired, standing up and smoothing her jacket.

"Mom…I need to do this. I-I want to get better," I manger to stumble out.

Nodding, she gave me a smile. "I understand baby, and I'm very proud of you for trying," she gleamed, before walking to the door. "Now come on or we'll be late."

* * *

Parking, I glared up with wide eyes at the historical looking house that stood before us. It looked newly done up, but the structure of it still seemed to be old and mysterious as if it had been ripped from an old fairy-tale. It was truly beautiful, much more beautiful than our place.

"Wow…" Mom said near speechless. "These people must have money."

"I'd say," Luke said breathtakingly, "who has a house like this anymore? Millionaires maybe."

Glancing around, my breathe started becoming heavy as the fact came hard hitting that people were here…total strangers. "Baby, are you alright?" Mom said, turning around and spotted my near panic attack. "Remember what Doctor Blackthorn said when you feel a panic attack coming on, breathe through your mouth and try clearing your mind and just focus on your breathing."

Nodding, I let my breathing take main focus in my head as I let deep breaths blow in and out of my shaky lips. After a few minutes, my small, un-harmful attack seemed to leave me, but still seemed to linger close behind me in the shadows. Closing my eyes for a short second, I reopened them to a worried looking Luke and Mom. "I'm fine," I manger to cough out, knowing what their exact next words would be.

"We can go home," mom said softly.

"Yeah, pumpkin. We can go home and watch a movie or something," Luke smiled at me.

I shook my head. "No, this is a step. I need to do it, and I promised Jace I would go," I said, clearing my throat from the lump that had seemed to settle there.

"He'll understand," Luke said, confidently.

I shook my head once again before settling my gaze upon them. "I can't keep putting recovery off…" I said in a clear voice but the shakiness in it seemed to remain.

Nodding understanding my wish, Luke turned off the car before smiling back at me. "Let's go then, shall we?" he asked, with a proud grin plastered on his face.

Nodding, I smiled back at him. "Let's," I grinned.

We all slid out of the car, and headed towards the fairy-tale house. Smiling over to me, I watched as Mom held Lukes hand, watching me with proud green eyes. Once we reached the house, we knocked and soon enough Maryse, Jace's mom answered the door.

"Jocelyn, I'm glad you came," Maryse smiled at mom with a sparkling smile before looking down at me. "Jace is in the backyard hun."

Nodding, she moved to the side for me and pointed to the direction I must take. Squeezing past her, I gave my parents a soft smile before inhaling a deep breath and making my way towards the backyard in fast strides. As I was walking to the back door, I couldn't help stop my eyes from wondering. The place looked even more enchanted than it did on the outside. The walls were wood, that was plan but looked perfect on its own. Staring up, my eyes widened at the high ceiling…

"Nice place isn't it?" an unfamiliar voice sounded from behind me.

Turning around quickly, I took a big step back from the unknown figure causing myself to ram into a delicate table. Staring wide eyes, the unknown figure had shocking light hair and dark, deep eyes, clearly a male. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," he said, taking a small step forward with his arms risen.

My breathing seemed to race, and my body seemed to cringe. "Please don't come any closer," I begged in an innocent, whispered-like tone.

Raising an eyebrow, his eyes looked confused as he reached out for me. "I won't hurt you-" he started before a hand swiped his arm away. "She said to not come any closer, Sebastian," I heard Jace growl.

Ripping my gaze from who must be Sebastian, I glanced upon an annoyed looking Jace. Noticing my breathing, Jace grabbed my hand in a tender way and squeezed it lightly. "She just got a fright. Now can you go away and let me talk to this beautiful red head," Sebastian grinned at me. _Red… _I closed my eyes as the words rushed back to me '_I like feisty reds.' _My heart seemed to pound against my chest, as I tried to force the memory back down, pulling myself into Jace's side as if for protection and comfort.

"Let me spell it out clear so you can get it through to your thick brain," Jace said through his teeth. "You. Are. Not. Coming. Near. Her. Got it?"

Rolling his eyes, Sebastian growled at Jace. "Whatever Jace, just because you want to get the action," he argued.

Jace's eyes seemed to darken. "Get out of my sight or I'll make you myself," Jace threatened.

Narrowing his eyes at Jace, he growled. "Whatever," he said, before turning to me and winking, "I'll see you soon."

Holding back a little cry of surprise and terror, I felt Jace let go of my hand and snaking his arm around my shoulders in a comforting manner, sensing my tension as we watched Sebastian leave. He then let his arm fall from my shoulders before grabbing onto my hand once again, and stared into my eyes. "I'm sorry, I should have warned you about him before you came, but don't worry, he won't be coming near you again, I promise," he assured me.

Nodding, I shook back the feeling of uneasiness that Sebastian left me with and glared around my surroundings. "Nice house… It looks like it's supposed to be in a fairy-tale," I manger to cough out.

He let go of my hand, lifting it and raking it through his golden locks as a chuckle left his mouth. "You think?"

I nodded, as I turned all the way around examining every little detail. "It's magical," I said, turning back to him with a smile.

"Well lets go grab some dinner and if you're lucky I'll show you around," he smirked as he grabbed my hand once again and led me towards the backyard where the smell of food lingered causing my stomach to growl for the food it was missing out on. Smirking down at me, he led me out to a strangely small backyard that had tall fences to prevent anyone peeking over. The barbeque was on and the food was getting cooked by a tall man with black hair, next to him stood another man who sipped away on a drink that he clutched in one of his hands. Glancing to the side, I saw two girls peering at us with their eyes narrowing in a hungry, jealous manner. The first one seemed to have an Asian background with short black hair, but was beautiful neither the less. The other girl was shockingly beautiful with a tall figure, with blonde hair and big, blue eyes…

Raising an eyebrow I was about to ask who they were when someone bet me to it. "Don't worry about them. They're total b-itches," a girls' voice perked up. Looking up at the girl who had spoken, my eyes set upon a girl that was a younger version of Maryse, tall, blue eyes and beautiful. "The one with black hair is our cousin, Aline and the one with the blonde hair is her friend, Kaelie," the girl said.

"Why do they look so sour?" I questioned.

"Because Kaelie can't have what she wants, and Aline being her friend wants the same for her," the girl said, rolling her eyes.

"Which is?" I questioned again.

"Me," I heard Jace sigh beside me. Glancing up to him, I watched as he lifted his other hand that wasn't holding mine and ran it through his hair looking uncomfortable. "Can't you like go tell her to back off Izzy? How many times do I need to tell her that I'm not interested?"

Laughing, Izzy questioned him, "So you want me to tell her where to shove her fake boobs?"

Before I could help myself a chuckle left my lips. Raising my hand to my mouth, I felt my cheeks burn as both Izzy's and Jace's eyes were on me. "So you must be Clary?" Izzy questioned me.

I nodded. "Yes, and you are Jace's sister?" I asked.

Nodding, "yes, he's my adoptive brother but neither the least, he's my brother and annoying as hell," she stated.

Rolling his eyes, he chuckled. "So are you going to help me or what?" he asked.

Folding her arms over her chest, she smiled. "I get something from this right? Like those shoes I love for my birthday that I should remind you is coming up soon," she tested.

"Yes, Izzy," Jace huffed.

"Yay," she beamed before looking between both of us. "Get closer to each other and try act as if you're together."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly confused.

An airy silence came between us for a moment before Izzys glaze went up to Jaces, and spoke in a whisper like tone. "I'm not mistaken when you said she doesn't mind touching you after she…"

Knowing what she was about to say, my own voice cut through her whisper in a shockingly confident way. "You're not mistaken," I said, looking up at her, feeling Jace's eyes on me. "I don't know why, but I'm not afraid when Jace's near me. That's why his touch doesn't affect me like others do."

Her eyebrows then drew together as words flowed from her mouth. "So since you must know I know about what happened…can I ask you something?" I gave her a slow nod, letting her go on. "Why is it that girl's touches affect you too? When I read that when it's a male attacker, it's usually only males that the victims scared of…"

Knotting my fingers together, I let my mind wonder over the question before a vulnerable whisper escaped. "They feel like they're suffocating me… like any hand contains the power to redraw the breath from within me…"

Nodding softly, her eyes grew soft. "Do you think it'll get better?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'm trying…" I whispered.

"Before you guys say anything else," Jace's voice cut through our difficult conversation, "the two bimbos are coming our ways."

Izzy quickly looked over to them, then back at me. "Clary I don't have time to explain it better, but here's the best I can do: you need to act as if you're Jace's girlfriend, just for a moment. So you need to get closer to him and look cozy," she whispered.

I just nodded and looked up at him to show I approved of the idea. Giving me an easy smile, I felt him pull me against him softly so my back was against his solid chest as his hands rested softly on my stomach. "Are you sure this is this okay?" Jace whispered down at me. I leant into his hold, feeling the safeness and content I had missed since the night it was ripped away from me. His smell of soap and guy spray lingered through my nose, giving me a scent of goldenness. Breathing in softly, I placed my hands on his.

"It's fine…" I whispered before feeling another blush heating my cheeks. "It's actually nice, you know to have someone hold you when you haven't had anyone do it for so long."

Smiling down at me, his arms tightened around me before looking up at the approaching girls. "Hey you two, what a pleasant surprise," Izzy said cheerfully, sarcasm rolling off her tongue.

Both girls seemed to ignore Izzy and focused on me and Jace. "You can't be serious Jace?" the one that supposedly called Kaelie spoke up. "We all know what you're trying to do here."

"And what is that?" Jace asked smoothly.

"You're trying to make me jealous by using this poor girl!" she said, pouting her lip at me then glancing up Jace. "Just because you're the only one that can touch her, doesn't mean you can use her to get to me."

Izzy seemed to let out a forced laugh. "Sometimes Kaelie…you talk so much shit it makes me laugh. Could you just hear yourself? You think he'd use her to make you jealous? You must really think he's a horrible person if you think he'd do something like that!" she stated, narrowing her eyes at Kaelie.

"Oh no, I don't mean it like…" Kaelie started, but Aline cut her off.

"I think it is funny how this girl puts on an act that she's afraid of everyone, but Jace," Aline said as her eyes drove daggers into me. "Have you just put this act on to steal Jace away from Kaelie?"

For a moment I was dumbfounded, but soon enough my words flowed with anger. "Excuse me? I don't even know you or her, so why would I come up with a stupid plan like that?"

Aline stepped closer to me, causing me to back closer to Jace. "Why is it that your words show confidence, but your body shows weakness?" she said in a warning-like tone. My breath caught as a lump formed in the back of my throat, but the smoothing feel of Jace's thumb running across my hand seemed to settle my breath.

Izzy shoved her back lightly, and stepped closer to her. "Why is it that I'm about to shove my four inch heels up your fat ass? Oh, because I'm kicking you and your plastic Barbie out," Izzy cursed.

"My parents are still here, so we can't go anywhere without them," Aline smiled wickedly into Izzy face. Izzy seemed to inch closer to her in a dangerous manner, but Jace stepped out from behind me easily and reach out to her, pulling her back.

"Just get away from us. Both of you are really starting to piss me off," Jace warned to Aline and Kaelie.

"But baby…" Kaelie started.

"Don't baby him," Izzy said rolling her eyes. "He's Clary's, not yours."

Kaelies eyes narrowed as she looked back at me, then up at Jace. "Then kiss her," she smiled up at him as if she's pulled him into a trap.

Glancing back at me, Jace seemed lost for a moment, which gave Kaelie the answer she wanted. "See, I knew it. You two wouldn't be together because she's too weak for you, oh and needless to say she isn't that attractive," Kaelie shot a smirk back at me.

Jace stepped closer to her, and lowered his face so he looked straight into her face. "Maybe you're right. Clary and I aren't going out, but that doesn't mean I don't like her," he smirked at Kaelie.

"Oh, that's crap. You don't like her, you're just trying to be horrible to me," Kaelie spat.

Jace straightened up, the smirk still evident on his face. "You're right, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't choose Clary over you any day," Jace said smoothly. "So let this be the message that I'm not interested and never will be, so stop with the staring and texts and well…everything. I'm not interested."

Kaelie stood with her mouth open as Jace walked back to me and grabbed my hand. "Suddenly I'm not that hungry. Why don't I show you around?"

I nodded, before letting him lead me inside. I looked back once more to see Izzy laughing and both Kaelie and Aline shooting daggers at me with their glaze.

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**Ex oh ex**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, did you miss me? I know, I've been the slackest updater ever, but I promise you after school and my exams are out of the way I'll update all my stories every week! So just hold on for another few weeks!**

**Thanks you all for the lovely review! You have no idea how much they encourage me to carry on. You guys are amazing and I appreciate you all sticking by me even though I'm slow at updating.**

**So this chapter is longer than the others. I've decided to write more for each chapter I do from now on because I've realised that no one likes short chapters, especially when they have to wait a week or so for the next :P**

**Anyway, enjoy :)**

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_Clary's pov_

I followed him through the wide rooms, up the staircase and through the wide open hallway until we reached two wooden doors. Opening it, I pulled myself inside and gasped at what was laid out in front of my eyes. It was a library. A library in their house… Bookcases were spread across the walls and stretched up to the ceiling with each shelf filled with books. On one wall an open fire that blazed as it heated and lightened the room; with a few sofas circling it in a comforting manner. Walking over to a shelf, my eyes scanned the different ranges of books until my eyes landed on a book that had come familiar to me: a book filled with poetry. Picking it up off the shelf, I opened it and traced the delicate pages with my index's finger.

'Come to me in my dreams, and then

By day I shall be well again

For so the night will more than pay

The hopeless longing of the day.' I quoted from the book.

"'Longing,' by Matthew Arnold," Jace spoke up behind me.

I turned back to Jace to see him a few steps away with his hands in his pockets lazily. "You know of it?" I asked, shocked.

He nodded. "I've spent quite a lot of time in this library since I first got here…it was sort of like my safe haven," he stated, moving so he could sit himself on one of the sofas so the fire could coat him with warmth.

"Wh-what happened to your parents?" the words stumbled out of my mouth in an obscure way. "No, wait. You don't have to tell me…that's completely private." I walked mindlessly over to him, and sat effortlessly down beside him as I argue with my outspoken words.

He shook his head, causing the light from the flames to make his golden locks even more dominate. "No," he coughed out, before clearing his voice to make it steadier. "If we are going to get through _this _together we need to know everything about each other."

"Even what I had for tea last night?" I said jokily, with a small grin plastered on my face.

"That's a good question. You look so small and frail, have you been eating at all?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Of course I have," I stated, feeling guilt sink further into the pit of my stomach. I knew I shouldn't have lied, but to be honest it wasn't a complete lie, I have been eating…just not much.

"Are you lying?" Jace asked me firmly, his eyebrows lifting up as he questioned my statement.

"If I was lying and I told you I was lying; then I wouldn't be such a good liar, would I?" I asked, replacing the truth with a question.

A chuckle left his lips. "I haven't heard that much garbage come out of someone's mouth since…well Izzy spoke," Jace commented, giving me a smirk before it formed into a worried line. "Come on Clary, I know you're not. Tell me why."

"I am eating," I said unsteadily.

"How much?" he shot back at me.

"As much as I normally would," I said, looking down at my entangled fingers.

A soft finger brushed under my chin, bringing my face up so my eyes could lock with golden ones. "Which isn't much is it," he said softly. "Why?"

I turned my face slightly away from his touch so I could glare into the fire. "I-I don't want to be how I _was_ anymore…I don't want to look like that," I whispered.

"What? You don't want one of the things that makes beautiful anymore?" Jace said a hint of confusion hitting his strong voice.

"No," I said, turning my gaze back on him.

"Why?" he asked, shifting himself so he was faced directly at me.

"Because-" I started, before ripping my eyes from him afraid of his response after he hears the reply I was about to make. "Because I don't want to look beautiful or hot…or anything that would make a guy find me attractive and want to…hurt me."

Silence ran between us as he just sat there in pure silence. I glanced up to him and his face showed hurt, confusion and anger. Taking a deep breath, I added, "I know it sounds crazy, but as long as I'm not attractive no one will hurt me…" I started.

"You're right," he said, shaking his head. "That does sound crazy. That guy that attacked you, I recall him liking your red hair, are you going to change that too?"

"Actually I was…" I started, but his strong, steady voice sliced through mine once again.

"You really want to change what makes you you because of some fucken monster of a guy?" he said, his voice now evident that he was angry, but as soon as he saw my face of shock, his expression softened. "You can't change because of what happened, or else you're letting him win."

I shook my head. "No Jace. Just because I'm changing my appearance, doesn't mean I won't be me anymore, because I will be," I stated.

"That's where you're wrong," he said, glancing at the fire. "This obsession of wanting to look not appealing to guys will affect you, torment you with fear that it will never be enough, and finally it'll wear you down so much, Clary won't be there anymore. Just an empty shell."

"But-"

"Clary," Jace continued. "That guy didn't want you for what you looked like. He wanted you because of how you stood up to him. That's one thing that appeals to guys the most; it's not always about appearances."

"Why do guys act like it is then?" I asked, glancing at the hungry flames that ate its way through the wood that had been placed there. "I'm sure you do it."

My glance went back to him and saw the offended expression that stuck to his face. "You really think like that?" he asked.

I shrugged. "You probably can get whoever you want, so why wouldn't you have preference," I stated lamely.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to lie, I was a player and I could get whoever I wanted, but I'm not like that anymore," he stated without ripping his gaze from mine.

"What changed?" I asked.

He then removed his eyes from mine and stared blankly into the flames. "The accident…you," he said quietly.

"Me?" I asked confused.

"Seeing what that jerk of a guy did to you, I knew I didn't want to be like that anymore," he said looking down at his hands.

"What?" I asked, staring at him with questionable eyes. "Even though I didn't know you before that night, I know you wouldn't have been like that…that monster."

"Are you sure?" he asked me questioningly as he stared into my eyes. "He treated you as if you were nothing and that's exactly how I treated girls."

"Why?" I asked, moving one of my legs underneath me on the sofa.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why did you treat them like nothing?" I asked softly.

"Because-" he paused for a moment as if he was collecting the right words to say. "I never wanted them…I just needed to be wanted…"

"So you treated them like nothing…why? What caused you to be like that?" I asked, staring down at my entwined fingers then back at him.

A small smile crossed his face. "Another story for another time maybe?" he chuckled.

"Okay, I'll let you off this one time," I said jokily, trying to lighten the mood. I looked more closer at him and realised with shocking reality that we've known each other for ages yet know hardly anything about one another, that's when a brilliant plan entered my mind. "Let's play twenty questions," I said excitedly with a huge grin plastered over my face.

He seemed to try hold back a chuckle, but his smirk was evident. "Such a childish game, but I'm game. You start," he smirked widely at me.

I smiled. "Most embarrassing moment?"

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. "How did I know you'd ask this? Well…a few years ago at my old school I was hated by all the jocks, but there's no guessing why; it was simple because they were jealous of my good looks."

Now it was my time to roll my eyes. "And here comes the cockiness," I stated.

He smiled at me before carrying on. "Anyway, one day after gym we all took a shower because there had been a really sweaty game. I was the last to have a shower and last to get out, and guess what happened next? I went to put on my clothes and they were gone. What made it worse is that there was nothing around to cover my…you know what. By then I knew it was the jocks."

"So what did you do?" I laughed slightly.

A chuckle echoed from his lips as he ran his fingers through his locks, an expression on his face showing the awkwardness of what he was about to say. "I walked out into the hall," he mumbled.

"What?" I asked, bursting out laughing. "You walked nude into a hallway? Hope it wasn't filled with people."

He smiled up at me. "The bell had just rung, so people were everywhere," he laughed.

I placed my hand against my mouth as I tried to force back a laugh. "I'm sorry Jace, but I officially think you're a loser," I muffled into my hand.

He gasped, and held a hand to his heart as to show the 'hurt' he felt from my statement. "Why would you say such a thing?" he asked, trying to hold back a smile.

"Why would you walk into a hallway filled with people naked?" I asked, letting the laughter escape from my mouth.

"Hey," he smiled widely at me, as he moved his hands seductively down his torso. "I'm not ashamed of this body."

"Of course you're not," I rolled my eyes still laughing. "So what did you do when you got into the hallway?"

"Well after overlooking all the stares I was getting, I walked up to the guys and took my clothes back from them," he said simply.

"And they just gave them to you?" I asked slowly.

"Well, the teachers weren't too happy to see a naked student so the guys were forced to give my clothes back," he smiled cheekily at me.

My grin grew immensely as I commented, "You're a totally loser."

Poking his tongue at me, his eyes sparked cheekiness at mine. "Your turn then you smart ass," he said.

My cheeks suddenly reddened as the horrifying experience shot back into my mind. Burying my face into the palms of my hands, I shook my head, too embarrassed to say it.

"Oh come on, I told you mine. You have to share," Jace pointed out with a chuckle as he pulled my hands softly away from my face.

"Fine…" I said stubbornly staring up into his face. "It happened at school. Class had just finished and everyone was rushing to their next class. Anyway while I was heading towards the stairs, I slipped on something and as I fell I grabbed onto the nearest thing which I didn't know at the time was the teacher's pants. So his pants went down and he lost balance, and being at the top of the stairs he fell down them…"

Jace just sat there, mouth wide. "Is that it?" he asked.

"What do you mean is that it?" I asked, confused.

His wide mouth then curled into a smirk. "Clary, you pushed someone down the stairs, that's nothing. My experience on the other hand was," he pointed out with a chuckle.

"You must not understand. I pulled my teachers pants down and then pushed him down the stairs…he could have gotten hurt," I pointed out seriously.

"Okay, I must admit. Your seriousness towards your story makes it all the funnier," he laughed out loud.

I slapped him on the arm. "Just because I didn't get my junk out doesn't mean it wasn't embarrassing," I stated, poking my tongue at him.

He raised his hands. "Oh no you didn't, you just got someone else's junk in your face," he said semi-seriously.

I gasped. "No," slap. "I," slap, "didn't," I said playfully hitting him on the arm. "You twisted my story."

"Oh, did I?" he asked cheekily, standing up. "Did you not say that you pulled his pants down? So you must have had his ass in your face at one point."

I stood up, but he took a step away from me. "Stop twisting it!" I said. I couldn't help it, but a small smile played against my lips as I took a dangerous step closer towards Jace.

A smirk widened on his lips. "What are you going to do? Pull my pants down and push me down the stairs?" he laughed.

"You did not just say that?" I said, taking another step towards him.

"If I didn't, you wouldn't have just asked me that. Silly, Clary," he laughed.

My smile grew as I held back a laugh. "That's it…" I started, before quickly moving towards him. He quickly moved out of reach, so I picked up a pillow off of the sofa and threw it at him.

Poking his tongue at me, he threw it back. "Your throws do not hurt, Clary," he teased.

"Oh really? So you want it to hurt?" I asked, with a smirk showing on my face as I reached down and slipped off one of my shoes. Without realising what I was about to do, he didn't have time to move out of the way when my shoe flew at him, smacking him square in the chest.

Shock filled his expression as he picked up my shoe. "Did you just throw your shoe at me?" he asked, still shocked.

"Well that's what you're holding isn't it?" I pointed out, laughing.

A devilish grin appeared on his face, as he hovered my shoe near the fire place. "Don't you dare," I warned, knowing exactly what his plan to do was. Moving closer to him, I reached for my shoe, but he raised it above his head.

"Hey, you were the one that threw it at me in the first place," he stated, smirking down at me.

I grabbed hold of his upper arm and tried to lower it as I jumped for my shoe, but it was no use; he was far too strong and tall for me to get it. "You need to jump higher Clary," he laughed at me.

I jumped once again, but like last time it was no use. Landing back onto my feet, I lost balance slipping on the edge of the fireplace. I felt my small frame sail backwards and one of my legs flew upwards until hands reached out and grabbed my upper leg and my wrist trying to balance me again. _Reality seemed to blur but not enough to not know or feel what was forced upon my small figure. Hands searched my bare skin of my legs before fire shot through me; pain shooting through my small frail body... _My breath hitched as my heart pounded against my chest, flooding my head with throbbing memories and pain. I forcefully bought my knee up, connecting it with something and pulled weightily away from the hands. I closed my eyes trying to get my breath back.

That's when I heard a groan and my eyes opened. Stepping back, my eyes widened. I gasped as I let myself fall to my knees and crawl over to Jace who had pain throbbing through him from where I kneed him in his privates. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I said, touching his arm lightly. "It was just your hand…" I paused. _His hand. _I sat up and pushed my back up against the sofa, placing my face in the palms of my hands and let a hard laugh escape from my mouth. What was I kidding? I let myself forget what had happened to me and think the memory of what happen would disappear forever? I shook my head. And Jace. His hands were like everyone else's. The one person that I felt comfortable and safe with, my mind and body closes to them when they touch my leg…

"It's okay Clary. I'm the one who should be apologising. I shouldn't have touched you," Jace mumbled on his place on the floor.

I shook my head. "Do you know what's funny? I forgot that I'm broken, scarred…whatever you like to call it, for the tiniest bit of time and I was having fun, but then what happened just rushed back at me like it was just waiting in the shadows just for a slip up," I said, disgusted.

Pulling himself up off the ground he crawled over to me, and placed himself next to me. "You know, I don't think there's one time in life that there's nothing bad shadowing you. Like even if it's bad grades or an argument with your parents, it follows you until another thing replaces it," he commented softly.

"So I'm always going to be haunted by a memory?" I asked, turning my head to look at him.

Staring back at me, he asked me simply, "don't we all?"

"So what memory's haunting you?" I asked softly.

He shook his head with a smile. "Another story for another time, didn't I say?"

I nodded. Thoughts swirled through my head of what happened and I knew then I didn't want to be like this. I was scared of everyone, except Jace. I couldn't bear having no one and feeling as if I'm in a shell on my own.

Taking a deep breath in, I knew it was the worst plain, but I needed to do it. I needed to do it for myself. Reaching over, I softly grabbed Jace's closest hand and slowly pulling it over to me, placing it just above my knee, my hand resting on top of it.

I closed my eyes as the memory of the other hands coursed through me. "Clary…" Jace whispered as he tried to pull his hand away.

Tightening my hold on his hand, I opened my eyes and blinked away the silent tears. "No, please. I need you to leave it there…please. I don't want to be afraid of you…I can't be afraid of everyone," I begged.

Bringing his other hand up, he wiped away one of the tears. "Clary, you're not afraid of me or anyone close to you. You're afraid of what happened to you and getting hurt again, but I can promise you this that no one who cares about you including me, will hurt you in any way or form," he assured me as he rubbed his thumb around in small, soft circles on my leg.

My breath seemed to settle with each word that he spoke. I leant my head against his shoulder and stared into the flames. "I just feel like this thing is eating me up and isolating me from everyone I love and care about…" I said.

"You know, the first time I came to live with the Lightwoods I felt isolated too. I didn't feel they understood who I was or what had happened to me, but then I learnt that they would never understand me because what happened to me was in the past and who I was wasn't me anymore, I was changing into a Lightwood without me even realising," he said softly.

"And your point is?" I asked.

He let out a soft laugh. "My point is, your friends and family are going to look past this because what happened is in the past and because of it you'll grow in yourself," he said.

"Into a scared, helpless little girl?" I asked with a sarcastic laugh.

"If you don't remember, but that girl back there moments ago at the fireplace was determined not to get hurt again. You fought for yourself Clary and because of that, I think you're not growing weaker, but stronger," he stated strongly.

"You think?" I asked raising my head so I could lock my eyes with his to see if his answer was true or not.

"I know," he smiled.

My smile widened, but before I could let a single word leave my mouth, a scream ripped through the house causing both of our eyes to widen.

* * *

**Cliff hanger? I think so :) Who do you think it is and what do you think has happened? Review and tell me!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! At times it was difficult to write, but I overly enjoyed writing it :)**

**Review please lovelies.**

**Ex oh ex**


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